Foster Care Step 1: Orientation Meeting

We're very excited to have completed the first step in becoming Foster/Adoptive parents in Iowa! Horah! We met some other people who are interested and hear some stories of people who already know the child(ren) they are trying to get licensed for. A night of emotion! Classes don't start until the end of January, but we have done what we can do for now. :)

Advice from my Students

Since I wrote last, a few things have changed. :) We moved to Sioux City, IA in September and were fortunate enough to both start jobs. I'm still teaching ESL, and Dave is using food science. So far so good! We are signed up for the foster care orientation here on Nov. 11! Horah!

During one class, students brainstormed about rules they had growing up. It was funny for us all to realize we had a lot of the same rules regardless of growing up at different times and different countries. Here they are:
1. Don't come home late.
2. Don't talk with strange people (hehe, or strangers).
3. Don't run inside.
4. Do your homework before you go out.
5. Don't go out by yourself.
6. Don't get into fights.
7. Look when you cross the street.
8. Go to bed at 9.
9. Wash your hands before eating and after using the bathroom.
10. Don't interrupt when people are talking.
11. Don't talk back.
12. Brush your teeth before bed.
13. Don't play with matches or fire.
14. Don't go too far away on your bike.

Slow, slow, slow your boat, gently down the stream...

This is not going very fast. I'm having a very hard time being patient today. Things are up in the air with where we'll live in a month or 2. Sometimes it seems like quite the adventure, but today it seems like a bunch of setbacks. I'm thankful for our house, my job, my very sweet students, and now my housemates. Dave has been working in Iowa for a few weeks now, and I've been living with 2 French exchange students. They're respectful, helpful, and a joy to be around! I've also been teaching Sunday school to 4 year olds, which gives me an eye into their very short attention span...and hoping that my own is a bit longer. :o)

Plinko

Adoption, to me, seems like playing plinko. Start at the top, and if you get the right one, you win! :o) I know that some years down the road I'll look back and say that God led us along this journey and took us to the child(ren) for us. I'm excited about that! But right now, it feels like playing plinko...and we've yet to find the match for where to pursue kids. Colombia doesn't seem like a fit after all, and now we're reconsidering the foster system. Humm...

Too Many Books

I've been reading a lot about adoption, and have started to wonder if these books will "help" me as much as all the relationship books did in preparing me for marriage.

This is an excerpt from Front Porch Tales By Phillip Gulley. I'm not even sure if I picked this up at the thrift store, someone left it at my house, or where I got it...but I'm getting some laughs out of it. :)


"Before our first child was born, my wife and I read several books about parenting. When Spencer arrived, we discovered just how useful those books can be, particularly for chewing on."

"[My mother] had just read a book about parenting and was eager to share her knowledge. Spencer, then two years old, threw a tantrum while mom was with us. I hadn't slept for two days, and after an hour of crying-mine, not his-I gave Spencer what he wanted. 'Boy, that was a mistake,' Mom warned. and she proceeded to tell me that if Spencer gets what he wants by throwing a fit, there's not telling where he'll end up. 'Probably in Congress,' I told her."

"She advised us to have baby Sam lie on his back to prevent crib death. But someone else said they should lie on their stomachs for the same reason. So to be safe, I built a rotisserie crib."

"The worst advice we received was from a man who told us that holding our baby would spoil him. Obviously, he didn't understand how babies require the intimacy that cuddling provides. Besides, cuddling babies is fun and almost makes up for what our children do to us as teenagers."

[When we give advice], "it isn't that we think we know more than the parents. It's mostly about lending a hand with something as neat as raising a child. it's the same principle behind planting a tree. Twenty years later, we come upon it and delight that we had a part in its growing."

Summit VI

We spent 2 jam packed days at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VI this past weekend. You can see a blog of what went on at the official blog and see video clips. It was an honor to be among about 1300 people who care for orphans in one way or another.

I was reminded of Royal Family Kids Camp, a week away for foster kids to have a positive and loving mountaintop experience. I participated as a counselor in this camp out in California two summers in a row. Although only a week long experience, it's something I've never forgotten. My little camper, Jessica, gave me a stuffed bunny and told me never to forget her. Coming from a girl who had shown so much joy over a small shoebox full of goodies, I was deeply moved at her generosity. After the camp, I went directly to join my family on a bike trip in Seattle, and the last day we left the hotel in a hurry for the airport. Upon returning home, I was really sad to realize that my new bunny friend had been left. Mind you, I was about 21 at the time...so it was a little embarrassing for my dad to call the hotel and tell them that his daughter had left her stuffed bunny, but he took initiative on that for me. Before I knew it, bunny was back and continues to be my reminder to pray for little Jessica, who probably isn't so little anymore.

I learned about project 1.27 and 4 Kids, 2 remarkable programs to aid the church in responding to foster kids. When our very determined (aka anxious) Ruby dog escaped from our car Friday, it was 4 Kids founder Tom who found her hoping to come inside the church. It was fun to meet him as we had heard some encouraging stories from him in our breakout sessions.

Now that we have chosen an agency (Bethany), etc...we found out about Loving Shepherd Ministries, an organization that exists to help pre-adoptive couples in the decision process for no charge! They have list after list of stats and info to help you make decisions. They call themselves the Consumer Reports of Adoption. :)

Dr. Karyn Purvis shared some research about nurturing children who come from hard places. Simple yet profound, she drew many parallels of what happens naturally in a healthy pregnancy-2 years (attachment) and how you can make up for that. It was a lot about brain development, touch, and adoring the child...who was not adored as a baby but needs that. It was practical, and she discussed how often the behavior is not the real issue. Most of the time, these kids are scared, and that's why they act out. She recommended time ins where you help the child process and find a solution vs sending them away. Lots of good thoughts. I look forward to reading her book: The Connected Child.

To top it all off, we watched The Blind Side, a moving true story of a family who opened up their home to an older child from the projects.

Ick

Abuse within families, gang rape, coercion, fear tactics, ick. Sick. Orphans placed into foster care where they are abused again instead of having a safe haven. Ick. Girls with no place to call home, defenseless against the physical strength of men who want to take advantage. Children sent to the streets to work, beaten up when they come home penniless. Hungry. Where is the love? Where is the justice?

Prov. 23:10-11 Don't stealthily move back the boundary lines or cheat orphans out of their property, for they have a powerful Advocate who will go to bat for them.

Isaiah 58:6 "This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. 7 What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. 8 Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. 9 Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places "If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, 10 If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. 11 I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places - firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. 12 You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.

Good News for Street Kids

We attended Bethany's information meeting last week (a requirement to initiate the process with their agency). We just learned about an adoption conference here in Minneapolis at the end of the month so we plan to attend that.

I'm encouraged by the orphan care I'm learning about. I just finished reading A Cry From the Streets, a story of faith and beginning of caring for street kids in Brazil. It's from the YWAM International Adventures Series, and each book I've read so far in this series has been gripping. I highly recommend them! I'm encouraged to learn that YWAM has outreaches to street kids in India and Colombia as well (and probably lots of other countries). I'm also thinking of my friend Monica who works with street kids in Peru through Word Made Flesh and our friend Ken who lives in the Philippines working with street kids.

I'm excited about this and hoping we can officially begin our application soon. We're hoping Dave gets a full-time job in the next 2 months and we'll find out if we're staying in St. Paul or not.

Hope Center is Beautiful

We visited the Hope Center in India last December. The children are remarkable singers, and full of joy! We were encouraged to see how well orphan care is working in this instance. :) The picture we of desperate poverty we had gotten from Slumdog Millionaire and other sources was not what we experienced (thankfully!). The kids were generous, kind, helpful, and confident. Global Action is building apartments and asking host parents to live with 7 children and make a commitment of at least 10 years. We are hopeful that enough couples will come. It truly is a beautiful place where your heart feels so full because the children are so rich in spirit. I miss them!

You can hear them sing a little at the end of this movie.


Anyway, there have been many days I've gotten tired of waiting to turn 28 so we can apply to wait some more (to turn 30 to be cleared for travel). In the meantime, we've talked at length about what makes sense for us. Logically, adopting from a Spanish-speaking country makes the most sense. We speak (decent at least) Spanish. Our community has some Spanish-speakers, but we don't really know anyone who speaks Hindi. When reading about attachment as well as developing identity, language seems like a big bonus. I've read a number of vignettes about children acting out because they're afraid and by the time the parents bring in a translator, they find that the child isn't being disobedient but is afraid of something.

Mostly though, Spanish is fun. There's research about different personalities and frame (or viewpoint) switching when using 2nd (3rd...) languages. For me, when I speak in Spanish, I tend to be more free with compliments and terms of endearment. I think speaking Hindi would also be like that for me, but my vocabulary is about 20 words big right now (on a good day).


In other semi-random thoughts...it's good not to rush, I love reading books, I'm having fun training my dog, and I love teaching ESL. My students are super encouraging, hardworking, and good-natured!