Had to say "no"

Well, we had our first opportunity to adopt, and we had to say "no." I don't know how this is supposed to go, I guess differently for everyone. The kids who were offered (is that PC?) to us were probably lovely kids who "had no behavioral issues." I'm sure they would make someone very happy. But, grandma & grandpa were going to stop taking care of them (after years of caretaking) because they wanted freedom to move and travel. That's just not our hearts. It feels enabling. On some level, I expect that most situations we'll encounter will have an element of feeling like we're taking over because of someone else's irresponsibility. However, I think there will be other situations where at least it's clear that it really is in the best interest of the kids to be placed with someone else. Adoption is a funny thing. You wait and wait & then you get a call, and it's all so exciting. And then you realize that it's still not quite the right fit. So, you wait some more. It's worth it, I'm sure. So, we shall see what comes next!

In the meantime, we've been taking care of a little girl who shows some of the typical behaviors you might expect to see in kids who are in limbo, taken away from their parents, uncertain of where they are/why they're there/how long they'll be there. She has a very difficult time being left alone for even 5 minutes and goes straight into this awful sounding cry of desperation. She buddies up to any person. She spends a lot of time saying "I want my mom." I don't even know the situation, but I wish she could have her mom. A little girl should be with her mom. How long will her life be in limbo?

Sad Stuff

Doing foster care makes you think about stuff that you don't want to think about...like how adults could do things to little kids that make them end up in foster care or how parents don't show up to their weekly visit with their kid, leaving the kid heartbroken again. It makes you sad when you see their behaviors change after visiting their mom or dad. You wish they had the words to explain how they're feeling, and then you're sort of glad that they don't because if it's unspoken you can sort of convince yourself that you're fixing it just by cuddling them. And sometimes that's all you can do: cuddle, pray, and move on. Believe that God has a plan for this life and that He will see it through since I can't.

Sink or Swim!

We had 2 girls for 10 days, an 18 month old and a 5 year old. They were a challenge because they were both a bit delayed and needed a lot of assistance. With the age difference, it was a bit difficult to find things they were both interested in. Swimming was one of them though! We ended up also buying a pool for Shelly (our dog), and it was pretty fun to watch them all having a good time. One day I managed to read a whole chapter in my book while they were swimming. Wow, what a treat! My other proud moment was when I fingred out that I could put both of them in the bike trailer/stroller and take a walk around a small lake with our dog! Everone had a good time!

It was fun to see how after a few days they sarted catching on to the routine, what we wanted from them, and started having more confidence. The baby started talking more and the older girl had less issues with accidents. It reaffirmed that we would like to be able to invest in kids' lives long term through adoption.

For the last three days that the girls were here, we also had a three year old. They played well together, but she is still adjusting to our house and trying to understand what she can and can't do there. I suppose this is the norm with taking care of foster kids. We try to be explicit about what is ok or not and give them the benefit of the doubt for not knowing that we expected that of them. You never know what is expected of them where they are living before you. It's fun to tell them how good of a job they're doing and watch their confidence go up. I'm suprised how often they say "I can't" and want to give up easily and also how pleased they are when they realize that they did accomplish what they thought they couldn't do.

We are now down to just the one 3 year old, who will be with us for a couple weeks. She typically goes to daycare, so now we get to see what that is like too.

You can keep the bio mom of the 2 girls in your prayers as she expressed her desire to find a church. We invited her, but she didn't come.