One of those tear-jerker moments

If anyone can melt a heart, it's a child.  Today when I took the kids to school, Alex gave me extra hugs.  Then he went to line up with his class, proudly taking the line leader spot.  As I walked away, he yelled "bye mom!"  for everyone to hear.  Those days are surely numbered.  This is the same kid who announced yesterday that he was embarrassed to be seen hugging his sister in front of other kids. And the same kid who recently revealed feeling somewhat embarrassed about being adopted.  But thankfully, for now, he's not embarrassed to be seen with me.  Last year when I would pick him up at pre-school, if one of the teachers or helpers said, "Alex, your mom's here," he would adamantly respond, "She's NOT my mom!"  Understandable.  I let the kids take their time and decide when to transition from calling me "Sarah" to "Mommy Sarah" to "Mom."  Sometimes I wonder where this boy got all his sweetness & how he ended up in my life. :)  I guess that's what people mean when they say that kids are a gift.  

Don't "Should" my Kids!

Have you ever thought about how kids are under constant scrutiny?  I mean, as adults, we have so many more choices for dealing with a bad day. Want some chocolate, coffee, or other comfort food?  Just take some.  Kids have to ask.  Want to call in sick and do something enjoyable for yourself?  Sure, you have the freedom to do that. It's called a "mental health day."  Kids, on the other hand, are always being called out.  Uh-oh, looks like you made a mistake!  It's time-out for you, bed early, loss of privileges, etc. 

For some of our kids, mine in particular, their development does not line up 100% with their age.  Take a minute to watch this clip about why adopted kids sometimes don't act their age: http://empoweredtoconnect.org/why-wont-my-child-act-his-age/   

Phrases like, "5 year olds sit nicely while we read a story" or "4 year olds don't need help to eat" are so hurtful to kids who are finally learning to reach out and trust adults for help.  Today, my mama alarm went off when Ali's teacher pulled me aside to say that "she's not listening well" and "she shouldn't have anything she doesn't need for school in her backpack."  Then she went on to correct Ali right in front of me: "you shouldn't talk to you r mom in that voice."  She had only allowed about 5 minutes to talk to us, and I really didn't get a chance to say anything other than, "I hope we can talk about this more later-maybe at conferences."  On the way out of school, I told Ali that I would talk to her teacher more later and that everybody has a bad day.  I reminded her how proud of her I am for how much better she's doing this year at school, and how I know she can be a good listener. 

But, the teacher has no idea what sort of implications this shame-based system can bring on. For starts, Ali began to cry on the way to the car.  Then she cried again as we ran a quick errand.  Upon entering our house, she curled up with her favorite blanket in our recliner and just bawled.  I rocked her.  I told her again how proud I am of her when she makes good choices and that she'll just have to show her teacher what a good listener she can be.  Today is the first time in months that Ali has actually fallen asleep at rest time, emotionally exhausted.

What a sorry state we would all be in if our friends didn't give us any grace.  It would truly be exhausting.  If every time we messed up, someone was there to say "you really should/shouldn't have..."  We have all had some bumps along our roads, and we all have to do the best we can with God's help.  I cannot express how thankful I am for the changes our kids have made.  As long as their hearts are soft and teachable, they can overcome.  If they believe the lie that they're just not good enough, just not hitting the mark, they will give up.  And who wouldn't?

Finalized!

Wow, what a whirlwind of a weekend!  Going backwards...we officially adopted the kids Monday, May 14!  We were blessed to have another mom from the kids' preschool provide attorney services for what the state would reimburse us.  She is also Alex's soccer coach!  The kids were fairly at ease during the process & Alex clearly looks ready to take over as judge if anyone will let him.

On Sunday, the kids were dedicated at church.  We are so thankful for our church family who has walked through this process with us, babysitting & offering words of encouragement.  We're so thankful that they have hearts that are open to love & have a desire to pray.  We're thankful for those who went before us to show God's love to them, and we're excited to see what God has planned for them.  They are teaching us a lot, challenging us to deepen our faith, and encouraging us to have simple faith at the same time.  After the dedication, Dave was holding Ali  & she put her arm around me too, resting her head on both of us.  I think she is finally starting to feel at peace.

On Saturday, we had an open house party.  Alex was literally standing out on the front porch yelling to anyone who would listen, "Hi neighbors!  Come to our 'doption party!"  We had a great celebration & received a lot of very thoughtful gifts.  We gave the kids necklaces engraved with their new names (Alexander Gabriel Kornmann and Alisynn Ann Kornmann) and the words "we love you."  They were going around asking everyone at the party to read them. At the end of the day, Alex wanted me to read his & then he said, "that's how I feel right now" and made a heart shape with his hands.

It's our hope and prayer that the kids continue to feel more secure in our family and in knowing that God is always with them.  He has certainly answered our prayers throughout this adoption journey!

Orphan conference online!

You can watch Summit VII for free online!  Great conference.  Check it out the next couple days!

We have a date!

Horah!  We have a court date: May 14 at 2:00. :o)  We're planning a party for Saturday the 12 and a dedication at church on the 13th. We're excited to make this official & share pictures soon!

Almost at the beginning

Wow, looking back I didn't realize it'd been so long since I'd updated the blog! I think I kept waiting to post thinking I'd have a court date to finalize our adoption. I still don't. The paper trail continues, but we have officially signed the pre-adoptive papers! So, we are waiting for DHS to transfer documents to our attorney who will get us a court date. Then we can celebrate (and post pictures!) The kids are pretty excited about having an adoption party. Really, I think they're just excited about a party in general. Did you say "cake?" Mmm... Oh, and what kind of cake do they want? Pinkalicious! Yep, both of them.

About a month ago we had a neat experience visiting the kids' previous church-the one they attended with their first foster family. They had lived with this family for about a year when they were 3-4 years old. It was emotional as we met their daycare workers, preschool teacher, and others who had known them through church. They had known the kids well and had struggled to let go last summer. In faith, they trusted that God was saying he had a different family in mind for these kids. When they met us and found out we were a family who follows God, it was an answer to their prayers. They let us know how proud they were of the kids' progress & how well they seemed to be doing. It was humbling for us to see so many people who had invested in them and prayed for us before they even knew who we were.

That day during the service we had an experience that we'd never had before: the pastor decided not to preach. Instead, during worship time, there was a word spoken about forgiving others & getting our hearts right. We continued in a time of corporate prayer until a second word was revealed about souls hanging in the balance & who would go? It was a refreshing and intimate experience-being part of the church functioning like the Bible talks about. We were so thankful to be in His presence, so thankful for the spiritual foundation that was laid for our kids. When I expressed this to the kids' previous foster mom, she just said, "and there's more to come." I am interested to see what God continues to reveal to us through our kids.

We got to share a testimony at church on Easter of God's redemptive power working in our family. We are hopeful for our future as a family. The kids are grieving the loss of their other family & celebrating their acceptance into ours at the same time, which makes for some messy days and sometimes long nights. But, overall, as long as we can rest in knowing that God is writing a story of hope...we are good.

On a side note, we have started a monthly foster/adoptive prayer support group in our home. We just have a couple families coming, but it has been encouraging for us. We've also joined a playgroup & started getting information about the kids' school for fall. I'm excited that Hunt Elementary has a diverse group of kids & am hoping to find my niche bridging communication between the English-speaking & Spanish-speaking families. It may even be a place where I can teach an adult ESL class.

Hopefully we will have two more crazy people sharing the last name Kornmann with us in the next month or so when we finalize things. Here's to closing one chapter and opening the next! God bless!

You think you're busy now...

I generally do think the kids' appointments take up a good chunk of time each week. On the list: swimming lessons, therapy, visits from an in-home worker, visits from the social worker, and periodic meetings with educators regarding an IEP. Am I forgetting anything? Oh, yes, doctor appointments & numerous trips to the pharmacy to pick up meds. Oh, and the periodic visit to the psychiatrist who prescribes them.

I currently have the special education crew wanting me to decide where my children (who are not yet technically my children) will go to school in the fall and what services they should receive. Honestly! They haven't even lived with me for as long as the time remaining between now and next school year's start date. Oh well, I will go & make the best of it. I am surprised with what ease people will throw around terms like "bad neighborhood," "tough area," "struggling school," and "troubled kids." Thankful for the City Matters Class we took through Sanctuary Church in Minneapolis. It opened our eyes to some of the damage stereotyping does.

Anyhow, I've been told by moms of teens that things don't generally slow down as kids get older. Their lives get more complicated & so do those of the parents. So, I have been really enjoying some sweet time with the kids lately. We cancelled daycare, and now I can cuddle with them when they wake up from their naps. They still like rocking at night. I figure an elbow to the nose and heavy head boring into my arm are worth ignoring since the motive is simply to be close to me. I suppose the time will soon enough come when they want their independence. For now, a few books from the library and a rocking chair ensure a good time around our house.

Christmas Cards

I had hoped to send out Christmas cards, but looksl ike they may be Easter cards or something. :)

I like this family's creativity!

http://followingtolead.com/fostering-2/the-face-of-fostering-christmas-cards/#more-3426

Grr-rah!

Struggling with the irony of my students having to drop my class because they did not get approved for funding while knowing that the kids' mom is using Pell Grants to fund her personal life and not attending school. It's just not right. One of my favorite and most dedicated students did not get approved as the grant from John Morrell's closing is phased out.

On a positive note, the kids and I went to the park today without coats or even sweatshirts! It was 58 degrees!

A busy December

December was a very full month. It started with a trial for Termination of Parental rights in the first week. We saw the kids' parents, but they did not speak to us. It was very interesting attending a trial where it's being proven that kids should not go back home. It was sad to watch the parents and hear of their struggles. It was maddening to hear how they work the system and to imagine what the kids had unknowingly put up with. It was encouraging to see their grandma sit through the trial and dedicate herself to adopting their 10 year old sister. The judge was decisive and put out an order the following week that the kids would not be going back home! (Yay for us, bittersweet for the kids, sad for the parents.)

We saw what it was like to get moved to the top of the social worker's priority list. Suddenly our emails, phone calls, and text messages were getting answered within a day or 2. The guardian ad litem was fantastic and came in during her vacation to be present when the social worker and the therapist told the kids they couldn't go back home. Dave was able to get a couple days of paternity leave. The kids took Mickey and Minnie Mouse with them to the meeting for comfort, and came telling us clearly "We can't live with our mom anymore." There were only a few tears, a couple questions, and then quiet. We spent the day together. We went to open gym at gymnastics and kept our dentist appointment. I was surprised how excited they were to get new toothbrushes and their very own toothpaste tubes. It really is the simple things in life.

The very next day the kids had a "goodbye visit." The lady who usually took them to visit their parents picked them up, and they all met at the therapist's office. The kids had made Christmas presents and cookies for their parents, so they exchanged those and overall had a good time. They took a couple pictures, the only pictures we have with their parents. Again, there were minimal tears and too much quiet. We had gymnastics and a lot of time in the rocking chair.

Christmas was a very joyful time for us, the first time kids had been at Christmas since my sister was little. Everyone was willing to entertain the kids. They got lots of piggy back rides, play time, and even got to ride mom's horses! They had a great time!

It was a blessing to be off work when all of this went down. Now it's on to the next phase: preparing for adoption. Unfortunately their mom has appealed the termination, which will likely push the adoption back until April instead of late February as we were thinking. Aside from the mental split that creates for us, day to day practice is the same. Ali was in the back of the van saying "daddy, mommy, daddy, mommy...my mommy" during our road trip, and even Alex has started to call Dave "dad." (He started calling me "mom" after Thanksgiving.) We are so blessed to welcome these kids into our family!